Ah, the dreaded transition years. The school system wants you to start planning your child's adult years while they are still in Middle School. Why do they try to ruin a good time? Your child is nicely ensconced in a blended classroom, enjoying lunch with friends in the cafeteria and spending time with lots of 'typically developing' students. Who wants to start thinking about the time when all this ends and we are left alone to fend for ourselves? Why do the supportive arms of the school system throw us out into the cold, cruel world? The teachers and administration actually approached me with deep worried looks on their faces, sympathetically acknowledging how painful and stressful an experience it is. They are bracing for the backlash.
I know many parents who felt just like this. I get it, I was almost one of them. I wanted no part of that planning process when Kate was 14 years old. I didn't want to think about it. It was upsetting to have to think about want happens after she's done with school. I just wanted to stay where we were for a while longer before it all came to an end. Where would we find that same sense of community, inclusiveness, acceptance and support? It's so daunting that lots of parents put it off until much further down the road.
I've watched many people fight to keep their children in school until well after 21 or 22 years old. Like I said, I was almost one of those people. Then I had an epiphany and realized it was more important to get 'the rest of her life' right than to fight that eventuality. I decided I was going to embrace transition planning.
So that became my mindset going into transition planning. I was going to make sure Kate had all kinds of great stuff in place and was ready to roll before she left school at age 21. I had watched other parents put it all off until the year before leaving school. Then came the mad scramble to get things organized, stacks of paperwork filled out way too late and trying to find connections in the disabled adult world. Public schools are federally required to help you do this and they have staff and outside agencies devoted to this single purpose. I decide to take advantage of all these resources and gave myself plenty of time to do so. But don't get me wrong, it wasn't a cakewalk. It's a very confusing, labyrinth of a process. Finding your way through state and federal resources, quasi-state agencies and mountains of applications is a nightmare! There's also the self-induced pressure of 'getting it right' and not ruining the rest of your child's adult life.
My advice is don't wait or put it off! Start as soon as possible so you can take your time and enjoy the planning process. I spent years dreaming of how Kate would spent her days as the best adult version of herself she could be. What activities would she like to do? What kind of daily support would she need? Would she work? What would her social life look like? How would she retain her sense of community? What would a typical day look like? What would a special day look like? And so on.
If you let them, the school will help you with all of that and navigate it with you. Take advantage all they have to offer. Try to look forward to it and enjoy this special, but crucial, time. It took some time convincing them I was truly 'embracing' the transition, but our school advisors were wonderful and helped us immensely during this planning phase. I am grateful for all the resources they provided.
Comments