Our family's experience with the school system was incredible. Kate had a better K-12 school experience than anyone I know. However, I have seen my fair share of other family's struggles and disappointment.
Teachers and schools get a bad wrap. You might think the teachers or the school system doesn't make addressing your child's need a priority. I've had people take me aside as Kate moved through the grades to warn me about how unacceptable things were for their children. I used to let that affect me and shade my judgment. I would cautiously and warily interact with the staff.
Thankfully, it didn't take long to learn that this simply wasn't the case. For the most part, your child's school experience will be what YOU make of it.
There definitely is a disconnect between parents and teachers. You can feel the tension in the room during planning sessions and I.E.P. (Individual Education Plan) meetings. Teachers will never really know what it is like to raise a special needs child. They will never know all the hours spent worrying over health issues and developmental milestones, hoping for the best and planning for everything else. They can't really imagine countless hours spent with all kinds of medical and therapeutic specialists.
Teachers are gun shy and hesitant. They have spent too much time being yelled at, accused and blamed. Parents aren't always open to another point of view. Working so hard to get their child the best they can they often develop tunnel vision. New ideas, opinions or different ways of doing things are rejected.
Here's what I believe made the difference for us. We all work as a team sharing the same common goals. I prepare early on, make notes and sometimes email teachers ahead of time to let them know the direction I am headed in. I make known what I am looking for and how I want it measured. I invite and encourage them to share their point of view. What do they think are worthwhile goals? How do they think we can get there? Are we on the same page or are we not? What should I re-adjust? Where do I compromise?
Be reasonable! Don't ask for ridiculous things. They are not miracle workers and have budgets, time and legal restraints within which to work. They are there to help your child move forward in the best way possible. Be a team player, support each other, take advantage of their knowledge. Make sure they know they can count on you to participate in the best way possible.
We celebrate the successes together and I am sure to make known how much I appreciate all that they do. It has been my experience that these teachers frequently go above and beyond for our children. They didn't get into special education because they want to make parents and students miserable.
After all these years I am lucky to count many of Kate's teachers and aides among my very good friends. We'll never know how hard it is to handle special a needs classroom with students presenting multiple challenges while juggling administration, parents and mountains of paperwork all while complying with state and federal guidelines. They have been specifically educated and trained for this purpose.
Teachers can be your greatest resource in the journey. Use them wisely and treat them well. Karma baby!
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