Throughout the years I have learned a lot about gratitude. Sounds like such a simple construct, but it has many nuances and shades. I didn't always appreciate the concept of gratitude and it didn't always come easily. However, at one point it occurred to me that I needed to change my mindset about life. I needed to start to look at things differently, especially when it came to Kate.
It is scientifically proven that feeling gratitude has many psychological and health benefits. Do a Google search and you will find countless articles listing the benefits ranging from improved sleep, enriched self-esteem, increased mental strength, improved physical health and more. Practice gratitude daily and you will find out how true this is.
It's easy to feel disappointed or bitter when life doesn't go as you had planned. Maybe you think it's unfair that your child was born with lifelong challenges. I know many special needs parents who feel that way. They are defensive, guarded and always anticipating a problem. They offend easily and see bias and discrimination around every corner. I understand it to a certain extent, it's a part of parental protection mode. We try to seek out and prevent potential problems for our children.
Acceptance is key. Be good with what you have and where you are going. I heard someone describe it as being in perfect harmony with the way things are. The journey will be challenging. Be okay with that. Embrace the challenges. Make up your mind to be happy, celebrate the positives and responsibly address the negatives. It's okay to feel disappointed, but don't live in that space. The downside of this that we become too busy 'fighting for justice' and don't spend enough time appreciating the day to day moments.
Be your child's biggest cheerleader and advocate, not their biggest pessimist. Yes, you will occasionally encounter curious looks and signs of un-comfortableness from other people. Special needs is not for everybody. Don't worry about that, there a exponentially far more people who will want to positively interact and get to know your child.
Soon after Kate was born the mom of one of my best friends came to visit. She was a speech pathologist and had treated many Down Syndrome patients throughout the years. She came to give me advice about being a special needs mom. In all her years of practice she had encountered many parents in denial. They hadn't accepted the fact that their children would not be typically developing individuals. They were looking for a miracle cure or something to make it not seem so bad. Her advice was to simply enjoy your child as is; guide them along and give them all the help they need.
I am so grateful for Kate and all that she is and isn't. She makes me a better person!
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