I am writing this account of finding out I was going to have a Down Syndrome child in order to be 100% authentic. It wasn't a happy time for me. I was devastated, heartbroken and believed it to be the worst thing in the world that could ever happen . It started with the usual pregnancy blood tests. The ones a lot of us skip or in which we don't place too much importance. Mine came back a little off so they re-tested. I wasn't worried and a lot of my friends told me the same thing happened to them and all was fine.
As the pregnancy progressed there were more indications of Down Syndrome. That's when I started to worry. My doctor suggested amniocentesis. I underwent the procedure and awaited the results. The doctor's office called and asked me to come in. Not a good sign. Why not just give me the good news on the phone? On the way to the office I stopped at my church, went in and knelt down to pray at the statue of the Blessed Mother. I begged her not to let this happen. Asked her to please help me.
Most of the office visit is a blur. I remember sitting in the doctor's office and him telling me that the baby tested positive for Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome). I must have fainted because the next thing I remember was my husband telling me to get up. I had fallen to the floor. I never heard anything else the doctor said. I literally took to my bed for three days. Didn't want to see or talk to anyone.
Things started to go downhill after this and the baby developed medical problems in-utero. She had a congenital heart defect and collapsed lungs. Fluid filled the chest cavity. Maternal fetal specialists and pediatric cardiologists followed the baby closely. They decided we were at risk of losing the baby and they wanted to deliver her at 32 weeks. I was terrified for my baby. Funny that I went from wanting nothing to do with this baby to being absolutely desperate to have her. The problem hadn't been the Down Syndrome, the problem was me. It was like a switch had been flipped. I surrendered, accepted and pure love and joy enveloped me. More than anything in the world I wanted this baby.
Again I made a trip to my church to see the Blessed Mother statue. This time I was begging her to save the baby. I swore to be the best mother ever if I could just have her. I begged the universe to just get my baby here safely and I would do all in my power to give her the best life. It was touch and go during the delivery, and she spent 2 months in neo-natal intensive care. Although she needed open heart surgery in a few months, I was finally able to bring her home.
Surprisingly, as soon as the baby came home I unexpectedly found myself a single mom. Didn't see that one coming, but I guess not everyone is cut out out for this kind of journey. At the time I had two boys. One was five and the other three. They were as much in love with this baby as I was. In such a short amount of time I went from being the most distraught human being on earth to feeling like the luckiest person alive. Part of me is ashamed for my initial reaction, but another part believes it was cathartic and part of the process.
And so we began our adventures in Down Syndrome!
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